I've got my eye on you

Spanish crooner Enrique Iglesias has apparently joined the legions of men who wish that he was gay.

According to published reports, Enrique -- who has been linked as a lover in the physical nature to pro tennis pin-up girl Anna Kournikova -- believes that if he were a homosexual, cheating on his partner would be acceptable.  In Enrique's mind, infedility is a benefit of the homosexual life.

Does that mean he wouldn't mind if Anna were to visit a public men's room and hook up next to the urinal with George Michael?

Critics are calling the summer comedy Knocked Up a propaganda film for marriage and spawning, insisting that the movie encourages young people to wed and spit out kids no matter what.

Now comes speculation that Nicole Richie's swollen belly has led to wedding dress shopping with boyfriend Joel Madden. 

If this couple is headed to some perverse version of anorexic punk-rock connubial bliss, should Knocked Up star Seth Rogen take some of the blame?

British songbird Lily Allen is known for popping off at the mouth, blowing off American tour dates and obsessing on whether or not she is fat.  Perhaps cheeky Lily's alleged attack on a male photographer in London was triggered by her fear that the shutterbug had captured her from a chubby angle.

Regardless of the purity of Lily Allen's motives, the most famous new girl singer out of England not named Amy Winehouse was required to appear at a local police station for an interview.  The photos that spurred "the incident" have yet to surface, but speculation is that the pictures make Lily's butt look as big as a house.

Maybe all popped-tart Britney Spears needs to improve her motherhood skills is a positive role model. 

In that case, someone who cares should paste this image of hot, capable, affectionate, responsible mom Gwen Stefani onto the front of the Spears liquor cabinet.

Anyone searching for an early bad influence in the life of high-profile habitual f-up Lindsay Lohan need look no further than her jailbird dad, Michael Lohan.

Lindsay's paternal parent has only been out of jail for about as long as Lindsay herself has been stuck away in rehab, but he was already back in court again yesterday.

When Lohan the Dad appeared in Nassau County family court to petition for the right to visit his children, he misspelled Lindsay's name.

What can be deduced about the parenting skills of a guy who can't even spell the name of the daughter who he named in the first place?  Is he the type of guy whose kid ends up in rehab before she's legally entitled to buy alcohol?

Celebrity tear sheet Us Weekly is reaping publicity points by announcing that their new issue will boycott any and all news of XXX superstar Paris Hilton's release from jail.  Finally, a tabloid magazine with a moral muscle.

Except that Us's Paris-free policy looks suspiciously like a sour-grapes reaction to the news that People magazine landed exclusive rights to Paris's first post-prison print interview.

It's only to be expected that a post-teen diva will be tough on her manager (fired) and mom (restraining order?), but ever-vigilant Just Jared captures evidence that Louisiana popped tart Britney Spears is really harsh to her shirt buttons.

If they were human workers, the fasteners on Britney's blouse would be filing for extra stress pay.

A life of crime is suddenly less attractive when baby cop is on your case.

Click the screen to see the video.

Being a huge Hollywood actress, at leas in the case of Cameron Diaz, means traveling to Japan and being humiated on national TV in a language you do not understand. To Daiz's credit, she can keep smiling through almost anything.

Some young movie stars are so image conscious that they won't be caught showing any kind of playful side, but not Transformers saviour of the universe Shia Labeouf.  Ever-vigilant Just Jared has captured Shia indulging in a behavior that is every publicist's worst nightmare. Chewing face with a tennis ball.

Popular culture deconstructionist Retro Crush has an ear for what ails the music industry.  Retro has singled out cover songs -- when one artist records a version of a song initially popularized by another -- as a particular headache-inducing practice in the music-marketing machine, and he's done something about it.  Namely, Mr. R. Crush has compiled a list of the 100 most offensive cover songs of all time.

If you're lucky, many of these re-recordings were released long before your time as a music afficionado, and would have been long forgotten if not for the persistence of painful memories.  You will probably never hear most of the twice-sung tunes on the Retro list.

But that doesn't mean your ears can rest easy.  The creation of crummy cover songs will not end any time soon.

Just wait until Pat Boone puts out a version of Fall Out Boy's "This Ain't a Scene (It's a God Damn Arms Race)."

Possessing the most powerful pair of lungs on the pop-song scene has not exempted soul-deep singer Christina Aguilera from the scrutiny of ever-vigilant Just Jared.  Jared has captured images of Christina that lead curious minds to pause and wonder: Is a baby bump lurking below the billow of that dress?

Looking for an acid-etched indictment of the stereotypical humans all around you?  Take a look at The Bane of My Existence.  It may be wise to put on a pair of welder's goggles before venturing too deep into the fine line satire, but this urban-archetype parody site is worth a visit just for the phrases "aerodynamic Moby-head," "nacho-infused grunt" and "free-range muffins."

I could probably throw a rock out of my house and hit one of these caricatures, and maybe I should.

Thanks to Buzznet's Ignatz for the tip.

Everyone from John Travolta to Jennifer Lopez looks amazing on Planet Hiltron. I mean... AMAZING. Click it, puny human.

Buzznet's own Ignatz brought this amazing site of parallel reality to the surface.

It might be hard to pinpoint exactly what type of gainful employment Britney Spears has been engaged in during the past few months years, but ever-vigilant Just Jared reports that the Louisiana popped tart is taking a break from that harried schedule.  Perky but wigged-out spears will resume her professional duties in 2008, which is the approximate release date of her new album.

Where should Britney go for her holiday?  Somewhere far away, so the rest of us will have a chance to wish she would come back?  Or some place nearby, like a comprehensive, intensive-care psychiactric ward?

Language has the ability to seduce, to rouse to action, to impart pride and purpose.

And then there are certain words that make sensitive listeners want to jam a pair of chopsticks into their ears.

A group of British eggheads who have no life other than sitting around thinking about things has conducted a survey and compiled a list of the most loathed words created upon the Internet.

If you have a "blog," or are a part of the "blogosphere," if you worry about "netiquette" and "cookies" and you contribute to a "wiki," congratulations. 

You are a part of the words most hated.

Even the concept of punishment is perverted by the reality of XXX superstar Paris Hilton.  Ever-vigilant Just Jared reports that the sex-tape heiress has been offered one-million dollars by The Today Show for Paris's first sit-down interview upon her release.  Now that's pornographic! 

Gender preference is every person's birthright.  Some people are drawn to members of the same sex, others gravitate to the attraction of opposites.  Which way a boy or girl goes is nobody's business but their own -- unless you happen to be a girl who's hoping a particular boy will swing your way.  Then you'd like to know: Is he straight or is he gay?

That's where the science of gaydar comes into play.  A recent article in New York magazine catalogs a plethora of tells and tips that tend to indicate that the man of your dreams is all sleepy-eyed for the man of his dreams.

On one hand, it would clear up so much confusion if we were all required to label our sexual orientation on our foreheads.  But then life would be deprived of all those magical surprises, when someone of an assumed contrary bent turns out to be twisted in exactly the same way you are.

Thanks to Metafilter for this tip.

They say the way to a man's heart is through his mom, which helps explain ever-vigilant Just Jared's capture of toothy beauty Jessica Biel sucking up to Justin Timberlake's mom.  During the past few weeks, the Internet has been flooded with images of Justin and co-voice star, ex-girlfriend Cameron Diaz becoming increasingly cozy during a European tour promoting Shrek the Third.

Jessica is not the only observer who may have detected the smoldering heat of passion reignited between Justin and Cameron.  But unlike everyone else who suspects Justin and Cameron of playing with love-life matches, Jessica has the ear of Justin's mom.

If Jessica has something to worry about, can talking to the guy's mom help?

Everybody likes food. Most people like cartoons. And Asian animation is taking over the world. So don't be surprised if Cooking Master Boy is inescapable six months from now. Until then, enjoy from the cutting edge.

Click the screen to play the video.

Special thanks to Metafilter.

She used to be a child star, and now she is a down-on-her luck adolescent whose sponsors are abandoning her while she's stuck in rehab.  Recklessly driving, toilet-stall party girl Lindsay Lohan has canceled plans for a massive, two-day 21st birthday blowout July 2 at Pure Nightclub in Las Vegas.

Did Lindsay cancel simply because the vodka donor rescinded their offer?  Has she decided to go the sober route?  Or did lawyers convince the starlet that planning a 21st birthday bash while still in rehab might look bad to city attorneys deciding whether or not to charge her with cocaine possession and impaired driving resulting from her Memorial day car crash?

You be the judge.

Husband stealer Angelina Jolie may be beating left-behind wife Jennifer Aniston in the arena of world-wide press coverage, but that doesn't mean Aniston has no fight left in her.

Ever-vigilant Just Jared has captured a secret liaison between spurned mate Jennifer Aniston and her former mother-in-law, Jane Pitt.   Brad Pitt's mom was photographed arriving at Aniston's rented Malibu beach house, and being whisked inside for a private conference.

Was the name Angelina dished with the tea?  Or was this just an innocent meeting of two women with common interests who once shared a deeper bond over their shared love for a certain man?

You be the judge.

Louisiana poped tart Britney Spears fails to see the humor in a series of billboards capping and capitalizing her head-shaving meltdown earlier this year.  Or maybe she sees exactly what's funny about these parody ads, and doesn't like that her dome is the butt of Clear Channel radio jokers. 

After cranking out many millions of dollars worth of hits to the benefit of many Clear Channel stations, Brit has a punchline of her own.  It's called a law suit.

She should just make sure that if she steps into court, she goes on one of her non-crazy days.

Being happily married hasn't kept punky Canadian song-bird Avril Lavigne from going out and snagging a new girlfriend.  Ever-vigilant Just Jared has captured Avril and her newest collaborator, Lil Mama, being more intense than just friends in the video for the "Girlfriend Dr. Luke Remix."




Click through and check out the girlfriend-to-girlfriend "Girlfriend" action.

The Japan L.A.Pop Culture Shop is a Los Angeles mecca for all things Hello Kitty and Tokidoki. The shop threw a crazy, cross-cultural party to celebrate their one-year anniversary. Hanna Beth and Ali Barone were on the scene with a microphone.

Click the screen to crash the festivities.

Having lost their powerhouse Sopranos franchise, gilded cable channel HBO has developed a new show that reeks of network genius.  Flight of the Conchords has all the elements of television greatness: a New York City setting and a pair of underemployed musicians who prattle on nonsensically in cute New Zealand accents.

Think of the Flight of the Conchord blokes as like Tenacious D, but you might actually do them.

Addiction to another television program is that last thing any of us needs.  But if you think your heart is immune to the charm of the simple Flight of the Conchords formula, then perhaps you dare to take a Conchords test flight on HBO's promotional site.

Teen idols are no longer confined to the pages of Tiger Beat.  Ever-vigilant Just Jared has captured singing, dancing High School Musical sensation Zac Efron breaking through the tween barrier and landing in the sophisticated pages fashion periodical Elle magazine.

Elle is known for publishing a high-end, glossy, up-market product, and has featured all of the Project Runway winners.  Naturally, their up-to-the-moment brain trust seized on Zac as Elle's "MustKnowSeeHearWatchRead" man.

So what took them so long?

If she were a man, wrestler's daughter Brooke Hogan could make a ton of money. Then no one would notice that the only time Brooke is ever the most handsome dude in the room is when she's alone.

Unfortunately for Brooke, and her feelings, she is female, and she is famous.  Through no fault of the viewing public's, hunky Hogan clawed her way to celebrity status after piggy backing on her dad's VH1 reality show Meet the Hogans or Make Room for Hulk or My So-Called Tranny or whatever it was called.

Now that the trainwreck is in motion, Brooke seems to have no option for backing out gracefully.  She's recorded and released the album, she's stomped through the dance routines, she's gone on the casting calls, she's worn the ludicrous transvestite fashions, and she's had a cosmetic makeover that unfortunately stopped short of switching body, face and personality out for a more attractive model.  Something along the lines of say, Kelly Osbourne.

Making fun of Brooke Hogan is easy sport, and some might term it cruel.  But the hulkette is being cut by the double-bladed curse of fame.  If she had remained where she belonged, the world at large wouldn't be mistaking her for the son of Shrek today.

Actress and super-mom Angelina Jolie shares an impulse in common with fascist dictators from Adolf Hitler to Fidel Castro.  Like history's most infamous despots, universally acclaimed humanitarian Jolie knows that she must control the press if her plans for world domination are to come true.

Ever-vigilant Just Jared has uncovered a document of conditions that reporters were required to abide by if they desired to speak with the beautiful control freak.

Primary in this contract was the stipulation, "No questions regarding her personal relationships."

Does this mean that Angelina is through talking about how she stole Brad Pitt from Jennifer Aniston without even trying and managed to become impregnated by Brad while he was still Jennifer's husband? 

Or is Jolie simply attempting to ensure that no attention is diverted from her important new film A Mighty Wind Heart?

This final installment of Hanna Beth ruling the MTV Moive Awards red carpet features a cameo by Eva Mendes, a chat with Just Jared and a rap by Andy Milonakis.

Click on the screen to see the closing performance.

Good Charlotte punk rocker Joel Madden and his TV personality girlfriend Nicole Richie may, from a slight distance, look like the perfect couple leading the ideal life.  But ever-vigilant Just Jared reveals a flaw in the facade.  Jared has captured evidence of Joel and Nicole (what a nice ring Joel and Nicole has to it) slinking around outside the Kate Somerville Medi-Skincare Clinic.  Is there a pimple somewhere?  Is the zit on Joel's neck?  Is Nicole seen here sucking the pus out of it?

They really are just like regular couples!

Bawdy big-mouth funny lady Jenny McCarthy earned her celebrity as a blurt-anything, bust-squeezing fun-time girl, but her lasting fame may come as being a mom with something to say.

Ever-vigilant Just Jared has captured Jenny breezing through Los Angeles International Airport with her five-year-old son, Evan.  This past May, Jenny revealed that her boy has autism, a debilitating mental condition that is impacting families at near-epidemic rates.

Jenny has published a book, Louder Than Words, about the particular challenges of nurturing Evan.  McCarthy has a serious message that will resonate with millions of Americans in similar situations. 

And yet she still makes time for the occasional fart joke.

Love and romance seem to be harder for celebrities than for the rest of us.  Famous folk often bewail the difficulties of making a love connection under the scrutiny of the tabloid lens, not to mention career demands and ego trips brought on by the fact that star couples usually have one member on the rise and the other on the wane. 

But ever-vigilant Just Jared captures proof that singer/dancer Fergie has met her match!

Congratulations, Fergie.  Just hope that the monkey doesn't wake up one morning next month and realize he could have done better.

Former couple Justin Timberlake and Cameron Diaz have been spotted making nice by ever-vigilant Just Jared.  Justin and Cameron's split was awkward, messy and well-publicized, but the ex-soul mates are able to maintain a veneer of civility while promoting Shrek the Third in Berlin, Germany.

Is Cameron welcoming Justin's hand upon her shoulder?  Or is she cringing with rage? 

You be the judge.

Ruling the red carpet comes easy for Hanna Beth on the MTV Movie Awards receiving line.

Click on the screen above and see young Hollwood the Hanna way.

At Hanna's command are Corbin Bleu, Monique Coleman and Zac Efron from High School Musical, actress Skyler Shaye from Bratz: The Movie, actor Jason Mewes of Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back fame, Knocked-Up mastermind Seth Rogan, Amanda Bynes and Ali and AJ.

Anyone who was surprised to learn that XXX superstar Paris Hilton has been released from jail after serving only 72 hours of a 23-day sentence (reduced from 45 days) would probably also be shocked to learn that most people who end up in prison don't have a lot of money to begin with.

Simple-minded Simple Life star Paris has been released to the confines of her own home due to an unspecified "medical condition."

Countless inmates who suffer from AIDS, hepatitis C, multiple sclerosis, herpes, drug-resistant tuberculosis and the common cold remain behind bars while the diseased Hilton hobnobs with the general population.  Paris's affliction must be something very serious.

As captured in the imagination of ever-vigilant Just Jared, the secret Hilton malady is represented as a disfiguring pox, the condition of her skin reflecting the abcesses upon her soul.

Model Lauren Hastings would be just another extraordinary face making a relatively anonymous living in clothing catalogues and fashion magazines, except for a wild night that Lindsay Lohan spent at her apartment last April. 

Lauren's accusations against Lindsay Lohan were fully documented on Buzznet with exclusive photos and videos.  The 22-year-old model entrusted her apartment to a friend while going out of town. Lohan is said to have attended an after-hours party held at the apartment while Lauren was away.  When the party ended, $10,000 worth of clothing had been stolen from Lauren's closets, with Lohan named as the primary suspect.

Subsequently, Lindsay Lohan has been arrested for DUI and entered Promises treatment center in Malibu.  In the wake of Lohan's crash, several media outlets have attempted to contact Lauren Hastings for comment on Lindsay's situation.

Lauren has taken the opportunity in this video to wish Lohan well and address the particular pitfalls awaiting her after rehab.

Buzznet's charismatic red carpet demon Hanna Beth brought her special blend of charm and flair to the MTV Movie Awards receiving line. 

In this first-in-a-series video, Hanna Beth brings you Corbin Bleu from High School Musical and Lauren Conrad, Whitney Port and Audrina Patridge from The Hills. Heidi and Spencer play a fleeting role.

More red carpet coverage is on the way; so check back!

The ever-vigilant Just Jared has captured super wife Victoria Beckham in what looks like a severe case of sudden-onset identity crisis.  Doesn't Posh remember that she came from the Spice Girls and not the Village People?

Gwen Stefani seems like such a nice person, especially for a celebrity.  Which makes it hard to understand why Gwen is sharing a tour with Akon.

Click on the screen to see Akon's idea of crowd control.

Not satisfied with being thought of as the most vicious simulated rapist in show business, Stefani's opening act shows a disregard for the physical well-being of his fans that is usually displayed by only the most thuggish venue security.

If Gwen was just a little bit mean, she might not be so tolerant of Akon, and this kid might have been spared the potential fusion of his vertebrae.

On the other hand, the flying fan should be thankful he didn't receive Akon's more personal treatment.

The past few years have been good to Sheffield Metalcore stalwarts Bring Me the Horizon.  The shredding UK crew have picked up Kerrang awards while playing supporting roles to some of the most-demanding headliners in rock.

Now, BMTH are poised for the higher orbit.  The band is slated for a full-scale European tour, followed by ten weeks in North America, all in support of their dynamic debut: Count Your Blessings.

Rather than wait for the Horizon to arrive at your home latitude, peer into the dark mysteries of their video for the song "Pray for Plagues," a Popcore animated epic released today.

After being the butt of cruel jokes at the MTV Music Awards, X-rated superstar Paris Hilton cut the after-parties short to report for her 23-day stint in county jail.  The ever-vigilant Just Jared provides access to Paris's reported mugshot and reproduces her statement to a smirking public.  The Simple Life star seems to have reached a turning point:


Shouldn't Paris be afraid that the more active her role is in the decisions that she makes, the more ill-advised those decisions will be?

The ever-vigilant Just Jared is reporting on the glamour and sass of the MTV Movie Awards directly from his backstage vantage.  Join Jared and Hanna Beth for an enhanced award-show experience.

Deep-pocketed buyers at a Jackson family auction in Las Vegas on Thursday and Friday were able to bid on little bits of Michael Jackson.  Ever vigilant Just Jared reports that prices totaled nearly half a million dollars on the first day of the sale.

But even Jared was unable to uncover who put in the winning bid on Michael's nose, or how much that discarded appendage sold for.