I've got my eye on you

Some viewers of the third season of Bravo's Project Runway loved punk-rock profiling designer Jeffrey Sebelia; others hated him.  Even more loved to hate him. 

The only thing informed viewers were in agreeance on about Jeffrey was that the tattooed scowler was far and away the most inspired contestent of that season's batch.

But insiders wondered if Mr. Sebelia's "high Goth" creations would translate to the "real world" fashion runways.

Reporting from the front row of Sebelia's Cosa Nostra show Wednesday night, provacateur Clint Catalyst has all the answers, and photos to prove them, here.

Not everybody realizes that YouTube is a place to go for life lessons. But sit still long enough to enjoy the morality tale of Evelyn: The Cutest Dead Girl, and you will realize that haters are just jealous, happy endings sometimes look tragic at first, true love is for everyone and there is no crime in being thought weird.
Thanks to Metafilter.

What's a girl to do after her baldheaded public meltdown leads to a 30-day sentence in rehab?  If she's pop tart Britney Spears, she celebrates her release by leaving the kids at home and going out for a bout of night-clubbing.

As Just Jared sees and shows, at least the former Mrs. Federline has some good hair.

When a site goes by the name 10 Zen Monkeys, and they have a post titled "Six Feakiest Children's TV Rock Bands," you shouldn't be too surprised when the first band mentioned is Lancelot Link and the Evolution Revolution.  Lance fronted a punk-lite combo of rockin' monkeys.

The creative minds behind Fall Out Boy's current chimp-tastic musical clip can surely appreciate the difficulties behind filming and recording Lancelot and his simian backing band.  Or maybe Pete Wentz and friends recycled this old band.  Monkeys have long memories.



The Pixies "Monkey Gone to Heaven"

Even the best of friends need breathing room, and Lauren Conrad and Audrina Patridge from The Hills look like they are one sneeze away from having a huge falling out.

Actually, the two famous actresses spoiled brats would be well-advised to keep their friendship running for as long as possible.

Unless one of them breaks out and develops an actual bankable talent, Lauren and Audrina will continue to run into one another at events such as this launch party for Oakley's women's eyewear until some guy who can afford to keep them home marries them.

Jill Cunniff "Lazy Girls"

The seventh and final installment of J. K. Rowling's epic tale of childhood magic and magicians, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, has a title, has a cover and has a rumor that at least one primary character will be killed off before the book ends.

J. K. wouldn't kill off Harry, would she?  Not when he's the only person from the book who's portrayed on the cover.  Or does the fact that he's the only character on the cover mean that he's the only one who di---

The thought is too unthinkable to complete.

The soaring vocal acrobatics of new pop sensation Mika have turned simple fans into rabid recruiters.  No one can simply listen to and enjoy the Britain-based multi-culturalist's Life in Cartoon Motion album.  Instant converts to Mika's blend of harmony and hard edge insist upon exposing all their friends to the LP's infectious aural charm.

Life in Cartoon Motion only arrived in American stores on Tuesday.  As the ever-vigilant Just Jared has documented,  former 'N Sync boy Lance Bass -- shown here with the new sensation at West Hollywood's Sky Bar -- has already joined the Mika chorus.



Mika "Relax, Take It Easy"

Anyone who uses the Internet for more than stealing buying music has stumbled across videos of what looks like high-school girls or younger stipping for web cams.  These images can be disturbing for a number of reasons, starting with a sense of violated innocence that the girls give off.  Particularly troubling news has come from a Canadian study that finds schoolyard bullying has moved into cyber space.

According to the researchers, female students are often goaded by their classmates to send revealing photos and videos in supposedly private e-mails.  These sensitive visuals are then widely distributed once the friends fall out of favor with one another.

Is it safe to share intimate portraits with even the best of friends?

Born Ruffians "I'm Not One of Those Girls"

Religious readers of Just Jared's celebrity tell-all site should have no problem identifying the two high-profile friends who are indulging in a bit of fanny-patting.  Any interested party who has trouble identifying the tush-teasing pals might want to visit Jared for the full back story.

Type O Negative "My Girlfriend's Girlfriend"

Rumors are never more titilating that when played out as subplots on popular television shows.  That bond between Friends co-stars Jennifer Aniston and Courtney Cox has caused locker-room speculation for years.  Had Cox and Aniston moved a bump beyond best girl buddies?

In real life, the answer might be less scandalous than many would hope for, but television subplots, as Just Jared knows, are a more scintillating matter altogether.

A truly worldly artist whose childhood playgrounds were in Beirut, Paris and London, falsetto powerhouse Mika topped the British charts with his "Grace Kelly" single.  The son of an American father and Lebanese mom, this former student at the Royal College of Music released a full-length collection of sparkly pop creations, Life in Cartoon Motion, which has solidified his position as a superstar-in-waiting in his adopted homeland of England.

The album goes on sale Stateside on Wednesday March 28.  From the first spin on, it sounds like the  best kind of homecoming.




Mika "Love Today"

The British are supposed to be a more refined and cultivated people than the rest of the English-speaking universe.  If so, then why does Crown Prince Harry behave like Shaven Skull Britney Spears when confronted with a clutch of pesky photographers?

Just Jared has the full story.

Disney's Magic Kingdom is a region of enchantment for children of all ages.  But what happens when no-prisoners punk-provocateurs Hanna Beth and Audrey Kitching invade Mickey Mouse's domain?  Look here to see if Tinkerbell's spell remains unbroken.


Scene and Heard is a production of Buzznet TV

If the upcoming weekend were a long one, movie-going friends and couples would still have plenty of films to fight over, and someone would be going back to the grind frustrated on Tuesday either because they didn't get to see the picture they wanted to or had to sit through one they'd prefer to have avoided.

Viewers who are seized by the voyeuristic impulse to see many bad people killed from a great distance while simultaneously sharing the umbrage of a put-upon underdog who triumphs for justice and the American way will be dragging hostages for two hours-plus of Marky Mark blowing up things and skulls in Shooter.


Shooter

For the eternal adolescent, or for the actual adolescent, no amount of whining, scratching or throwing of food will act as a deterrent to crawling off to a TMNT screening.  The turtles are mutant, they are teen-aged, ninja-armed and spectacularly animated.  Still, there are bound to be several pre-teens unwillingly in attendance who wish the decision-maker in their party would just grow the heck up.


TMNT

Comedians are funny guys, or so you would hope.  But Adam Sandler is determined to make you cry with Reign Over Me.  Yes, the movie is about a 9-11 tragedy; so make fun of it at your own peril.  That said, Sandler's tear duct appeal will not work for everyone.  To get a good indicator of whether or not you will survive this movie with your mascara intact, view the entire trailer, then check for wetness.

Reign Over Me

Ever get the feeling that the whole human race is only so much walking meat?  Hey, treat the kids and the little lady to The Hills Have Eyes 2.  This is a film for the entire family, provided the family is prepared to root for the cannibal mutants who populate the highlands of this desolate but cinematic scrubland.  Actually, the mutants are not purely cannibals because they don't eat their fellow mutants.  But they do eat humans, viewing the entire race of us as so much walking meat.


The Hills Have Eyes 2

Do you see anything here worth fighting for?

Remember when MTV was a breeding ground for the comedy superstars of tomorrow?  Maybe not, but think way back to where Adam Sandler came from, and it was MTV's Remote Control.

The network of music, The Hills and Margera is hoping to strike lightening again with a new sketch-comedy schtick called Human Giant.

If the dudes in this clip look familiar, it's because they plan to be totally freakin' famous in about nine months from now.



The show debuts on Thursday night April 5th at 10:30.  Until then, visit the Human Giant Buzznet home for more skit clips.  If you watch the show, let them know what you think.

Now that she's dead, Anna Nicole Smith is having a far easier time financing her lifestyle.  A pair of the diet spokesperson's handwritten diaries traded hands on e-Bay yesterday for more than half a million dollars.

News of this windfall is almost cheery enough to offset the troubling revelation that at her time of death Ms. Smith had a giant abcess in her buttock caused by an unclean hypodermic needle.

Slayer "Angel of Death"

Just as the steam is clearing from the frothy news that ex-Beatle and soon-to-be divorced old man Paul McCartney will be the first musical artist to release a sugary, highly caffienated confection on Starbucks Records comes speculation in New York's Daily News that the corporate coffeehouse is in talks with Radiohead to be their second source of aural frappuccino.

At least we know Thom Yorke would be serving his Starbucks product with non-dairy soy.



Mike Doughty "Busting Up a Starbucks"

We know that Jennifer Lopez is a fashion icon of the highest magnitude who can afford any garment or beauty treatment devised for the betterment of women.

But this outfit captured in today's Just Jared raises a few questions.

Is that sweater-vest cape thing a piece from Jennifer's own clothing line?  And is it really fur, or only an approximation of fur?  Is it supposed to be flattering in some way?

How many people think that Lopez would look better showing her own fur?

It took until March to do it, but Rolling Stone has picked ten artists to watch in 2007.

Most of the musicians and bands highlighted are okay to look at -- naturally so, since they need to have their photos appear in Rolling Stone -- but how does the list rank for listening pleasure?

The ten honored acts (not in Rolling Stone's order) are Chicago's The Academy Is..., Scotland's iPod superstars the Fratellis, unsigned young Georgia geniuses The Manchester Orchestra, Rose Hill Drive -- whose vinyl collection probably has a lot of doubles with Wolfmother -- lush Brit Amy Winehouse, L.A. old folkies Lavender Diamond, rap hoppers Rich Boy and Lifesavas, the falsetto and English Mika and Charlotte Gainsbourg, who is French and the daughter of two famous people.

Was anybody worthy left off?



The Horrors "Sheena Is a Parasite"

When a band calls themselves the Kooks, they open themselves up to all sorts of speculation.  Do they play all their songs backwards?  Do they plug their instruments into the wrong amps?  Does each band member play a different song, all at the same time?

All of these questions are raised by Britain's Kooks, and the answers will come for American audiences tonight, March 22.  Anyone curious about the kooks should stay up late and enjoy Jimmy Kimmel Live to the very end of the show, which is when the Kooks will take to the sound stage.

Perhaps one song will be enough to answer another question:  How did the Kooks manage to sell out venues all across America on this their first tour of the continent?



The Kooks "Jackie's Big T*ts"

There are different schools of thought on how to run a web site, but all do agree that a competent  webmaster is essential.  Here at Buzznet, we realize that the best man for the job might in fact be two reigning princesses of the Internet, in this case Hanna Beth and Audrey Kitching.

The two are fully equipped with O'Reilly reference books (Webmaster in a Nutshell: A Desktop Quick Reference and Action Script for Flash MX: The Definitive Guide); so what could go wrong?

Thanks to Rony's Photo Booth for this peek behind the Buzznet scenes.

Yesterday's Just Jared printed portions of an Avril Lavigne interview in which the Canadian pop m-fing princess claims to be "100 percent against drugs."

Well, maybe she just took too much allergy medicine in today's Just Jared photo of Avril on party night with friends in London.

Everyone has had the experience of going to a concert with a new friend and edging away when that new friend started flailing away at an air guitar. 

Or maybe you are the new friend.  You have been shunned simply because every time you're in front of a band and their stacked Marshalls you cannot resist gripping the neck of your phantom instrument and thrashing out power chords.

Well, let that embarrassment be a thing of the past.  A new documentary film, Air Guitar Nation, explores the subculture and the creative compulsion of the air guitarist with dignity, insight, a good degree of humor and scads of fret-shredding music ideal for playing along to.

Whether your air guitar is in tune or not, you are welcome to play along.

Frank Zappa "My Guitar Wants to Kill Your Mama"

Internet search engines are desperate for increased traffic, none moreso than the one that has enlisted Kevin Federline as its face and prize. 

All a fan of the world's saddest divorcing father of two needs to do is search the web to be eligible to win an autograph from Kevin, or a T-shirt.

Second prize is two autographs from Kevin, and two T-shirts.

If your ego and your exterior are both highly polished enough, you might be the kind of good-looking meat who can find a date at HotEnough.org.

HotEnough is a "meet market" with a built in screening system.  In order to gain access to the pool of HotEnough sex partners, prospective daters must submit photos of themselves and be rated an 8 or higher by the flawless creeps who are already in the club.

Does high school really never end?

Elvis Costello "The Ugly Things"

Premium cable TV will never have been so alive as when Hellogoodbye roll into the Hard Rock Cafe in New York City's Times Square this April 3 to tape an onstage performance for MTV Live.  If only one-percent of the people who bought Hellogoodbye's debut full-length disc, Zombies! Aliens! Vampires! Dinosaurs! show up, New York's Finest will be saying Hellogoodbye to their riot squad.



Hellogoodbye "Here (In Your Arms)"

Whatever you think of Canadian pop songstress Avril Lavigne's spitting and middle-finger behavior, don't expect her to play the rehab card any time soon.  In the new issue of Jane magazine, the self-described "m-fing princess" claims to be entirely and passionately drug free.

Just Jared quotes Avril as exclaming: "Oh, my God!  I could never.  I am 100 percent against drugs."

So don't look for her to be touring with Marilyn Manson any time soon.

Dance chart diva and Internet deity Jeffree Star scans through Billboard Magazine and exposes the hits for what they are.  The pinkest Star's video commentary may open your ears to new musical experiences.  Or may provoke you to commentaries of your own.


This Is Why Jeffree Star Is Hot.

Although he has no pictures of Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz together to prove his contention, Just Jared today insists that the pair shared off-time together in the Mexican beach resort of Cabo San Lucas.

Even if it is true that Ashlee and Pete were at the same oceanside hotspot at the same time, that doesn't necessarily mean the two are dating, does it?

Well, actually she only plays one in the movies. 

Though a child-collecting humanitarian in real life, Angelina Jolie is one of the big-screens most prolific mass murderesses.  Mama Angelina might argue that all the human characters slain by her in the Lara Croft films and during Mr. and Mrs. Smith were killed in self defense.  Except for the marriage of Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston, which died like an innocent bystander while all those evil Mr. and Mrs. Smith mean people were being dispatched.

Continuing in her fatal glory, Angelina is reported in Just Jared as being signed up for the upcoming flick Wanted.  She'll play a professional assassin training a new killer.

Wives across Hollywood are advised to take out insurance policies on their wedding vows.

The influence of bands like Panic! at the Disco and My Chemical Romance has exploded out from music industry sales charts, MTV and countless Buzznet user pages.

To judge from these models at the Malafacha runway show during Mexico City's fashion week, clothing designers from here to ... well, to Mexico ... are following in the stylistic footsteps of trend leaders such as Gerard and Mikey Way, Brendon Urie, Ryan Ross, Jared Leto and Eddie from the Munsters.

High-fashion blonde Gwen Stefani was captured barefoot in jeans at a Los Angeles video shoot this Saturday.  Gwen was also caught apparently adjusting the lay of her underwear.

Die-hard fans do doubt wish the sublime Ms. Stefani was pulling a No Doubt reunion album out of her @ss.  But what the hell else could have gotten caught up there?





Shiner "Third Gear Scratch"

Bubble-headed American Pie actress Tara Reid is reportedly about to open a fast-food restaurant in Los Angeles.

Considering what Tara's apparent areas of consumer expertise are, wouldn't she be better off investing in a bulk-item liquor store or cut-rate plastic surgeon?

The first question "civilians" have for a girl who does porn when they meet one is, "What do your parents think?"

For Sunny Lane, the answer is that for her parents think their daughter having sex on camera is an excellent meal ticket.

Shilling herself as the Shirley Temple of Porn, twenty-something Sunny lives with her mom and dad, Shelly and Mike, who manage her career the way Brooke Shields's mom did hers.

Are these parents exemplary examples of supporting your child with unconditional love, no matter not?  Or are they exploiting their own flesh and blood?

What happens to a supermodel when she is repeatedly accused of battering the hired help with her cell phone?  If she's Naomi Campbell, the super tantrum-thrower ends up being sentenced to five days working in New York City's Sanitation Department.

Want more poop on Naomi?  Just Jared has it all.

Seen below is Buzznet user and web designer P. T. Brooks at Austin, Texas's SXSW music mash.  Like almost everyone at Buzznet, music plays a pivotal part in Parker's life.  He's attending SXSW with his band Muso.  Somehow, out of the thousands of musicians in town, Mr. Brooks has managed to get himself featured on the Jay Leno Late Show simply by playing his belly-button as though it were a percussion instrument.

Anyone who was salivating at the thought of reading shocking disclosures about Madonna in a book from the enlightened pop hag's former nanny can stop drooling now.  New York's Daily News has reported that pressure from Madonna's lawyers convinced the book's publisher to withdraw the title.

How can a woman, Madonna for instance, who published a book that showed herself making out naked with Vanilla Ice possibly be embarrassed by anything a presumably abused and afflicted nanny has to say?

Once again, Madonna proves that pride shows up in the most shameless places.

Big money record producer Dallas Austin claims in a recent video interview that Christina Aguilera and British singer Joss Stone trade sex for production work and song-writing assistance.

Making vocabulary choices that are fully crude and explicit, Austin describes his and a friend's association with Aguilera and Stone in terms that leave no doubt he believes these women to be little more than track hos.

Dallas is credited with crafting hits for TLC, Madonna, Monica, Gwen Stefani and Janet Jackson.

No word on whether or not these women also slept their ways to the top of the charts.

Everytime i go to dinner
it seems like im getting a little bit thinner
I'll sit down at the breakfast table
i can talk, but theyre not able
When i look at them i find
there's a single question on their mind.
i wish it could go back to the way it was
its not easy no because...

My whole family thinks im gay
i guess its always been that way.
Maybe its cause of the way i walk,
that makes them think that i like...boys

The goddamn question just wont go away
cause i get asked every single day
but the way they ask it is no disguise,
like "How was your day? Do you like to kiss guys?"
This is the worst, baby this was my fear
Now their opinions are crystal clear.

My whole family now is shocked,
I'm in the closet and the door is locked.
Now my glory days are gone,
I was John Elway now im Elton John.

My whole family now suspects,
That watching spongebob had side-effects.
But im not gay and thats what i said,
If i'm gay then god strike me dead.

Just cause i go to an all-guys school,
Doesnt mean Justin Timberlake makes me drool.
When I go outside, what do i see?
The clouds in the sky spell "F-A-G"

I think that God might think im gay,
What does he know anyway.
My grandma gave me a present just last year,
and the card said, "Happy Birthday queer!"

My whole family thinks im "fab"
There's a guys butt, hey bo, take a stab!
Why doesn't he get women, theres no other way,
Its cause I'm lanky, not cause i'm gay.

Just cause I'm afraid of the snow,
Or my favorite color is, the rainbow.
I dont mean to yell but i fear i must,
Cause I'm losing the people that i thought i could trust.

Even my boyfriend thinks im gay...just kidding

You all probably think I'm gay,
Man this song is counterproductive...
la la la la la...

Cause my whole family thinks I'm gay,
What am i suppose to say?
Baby you gotta see right through the haze,
Easy-Bake oven was just a phase.

My whole family thinks i'm queer,
That is all i ever hear,
But ive been as straight as a ramp,
If you dont count Bible camp.

TV and the Internet were full of advice and sympathy for teenager Jennifer Mee earlier this year.  The Florida girl began hiccuping on January 23 and did not stop until February 28.  The hiccups are back.

Newspapers are reporting that Jennifer's hiccups have returned with such a vengeance that her nose began bleeding and she had to withdraw from school.

Is there any hope for this victim of an out-of-control, uninterrupted diaphragm spasm?

The Lucksmiths "A Hiccup in Your Happiness"

If you or someone you loved had a problem with over-eating and weight control, would you feel safe sending them to a fat camp that hired Nicole Richie or Paris Hilton as counselors?

Reality at times gets strange, and Just Jared speculates that if photos of Paris and Nicole on the set of their new Simple Life show are any indication, reality TV is going to get even stranger.

Can Sie de Ser Sexy "Meeting Paris Hilton"

No, this headline does not mean that MCR's soaring harmonics will be available for massive Internet poaching.  Rather, My Chemical Romance has agreed to fill the June 8th headlining slot at the massively appealing Download Music Festival in Leicestershire, England.

Guitarist Ray Toro explains that the band generally avoids huge collective concert events, but could not resist the Download lineup.

With bands including Wolfmother, Linkin Park and 30 Seconds to Mars, who among us could resist a trip to the English countryside?

How any guy who spent a month or two being married several times to Pamela Anderson could ever be accused of having a hostile bone in his body toward women is probably inconceivable to Kid Rock.  Nevertheless, the Macomb Daily News reports that a woman there has accused Macomb native Kid Rock of assaulting her.

According to the woman's complaint, Kid -- real name Bob Ritchie -- became incensed when the woman refused to stay the night after an evening of drinking and shoved her into the snow.

The chilled alleged victim should just be glad she wasn't refusing to stay with Tommy Lee -- another ex-husband of Pamela Anderson.  The entire incident might have ended up on video and leaked across the Internet.

As a front man in a rock 'n' roll band, a certain amount of excess is expected -- and even encouraged -- from Joel Madden.  However, if the face (and biceps) of Good Charlotte doesn't monitor his overshopping tendencies, he risks spending himself right out of his heavily tattooed street credibility.

Joel's bandmates and family may not have considered doing an intervention on their loved one when he began dating super-shopper Nicole Richie, but they may be leaning toward proactive action after reading Just Jared's account of the couple's buying spree at Barney's and Dior in Beverly Hills.

Everyone's favorite pink-maned assumption-buster, Jeffree Star, is poised to enter the elite diva stratosphere.  The world's sexiest Internet Star is releasing the rabidly anticipated Plastic Surgery Slumber Party EP on iTunes, with no help or backing from anyone else.

Go here to preorder your copy.

Song titles include "Eyelash Curlers & Butcher Knives (What's the Difference?)," "Plastic Surgery Slumber Party," "Straight Boys," "Ice Cream" and a song about desiring a four letter word that will see you next Tuesday.

Anyone who doubts that the Jeffree Star Supremacy will conquer the off-line world should note that Plastic Surgery Slumber Party debuted at Number One on the iTunes dance charts, ahead of Justin Timberlake.

Anticipation is a sweet thing, especially when you're looking forward to the line-up at this April's Coachella Music Festival, and even more so when you open the Coachella media player found here: Coachella Media Player.

Free for the listening pleasure are full songs from the Fratellis, Rage Against the Machine, Lilly Allen, Nickel Creek, Jack's Mannequin, Interpol, Arctic Monkeys, Bjork, and dozens more artists scheduled to reign and entertain at the 2007 celebration.

There is probably a new obsession just waiting to be heard.

Also enjoy video memories of Coachella past.  All of which makes pondering the upcoming extravagnaza of music and community all the more pleasurable.

Brazilian Girls "Sexy A@@hole"

A woman from Memphis, Tennessee, was innocently driving down the road with the top of her 18-inch Mohawk sticking up through the sunroof of her car when local police pulled her over on a charge of eratic driving.

A breath test determined there was sufficient evidence to take Anna Clifford to the local jail.

Anna can at least take solace in knowing that police were forced to deviate from standard procedure when shooting her booking photo.  The cops had to pull the camera back beyond regulation range in order to fit all of Ms. Clifford's spikes into frame.
Grand Champeen "Rottweiler Hair"

In last year's British shock drama Notes on a Scandal actress Cate Blanchett played a woman married to a dour codger way older than her.  In the movie, Cate's character has an affair with a 16-year-old boy.

If art has a direct relation to reality, does this photo of Cate with her husband, director Andrew Upton, indicate that pizza delivery boys are in for a special "tip" when making deliveries to the Blanchett-Upton home?

Just Jared has the answers on this relationship.
My Morning Jacket "Older Guys"

A photographer in New York is accusing camera-magnet Lindsay Lohan of running over his foot with her BMW.

According to New York's Post newspaper, the wee hours of Tuesday morning saw partygirl Lohan behind the wheel of a car that appeared to back over a photographer's foot.

Witnesses, presumably the same bunch of paparazzi who had been crowding around Lohan's car to hinder her ability to drive off and escape their lenses, claim that Lindsay got out of her car long enough to tell the felled photographer that he was faking his injuries.

Lohan was then driven away in a second car.

Police later questioned the Herbie Fully Loaded star about the incident, but charges had not been filed by mid-day Tuesday.

Was Lindsay at fault?  Should she not have returned to her place behind the wheel and run over the man again to ensure that his distress was real?

Discuss.

The Japanese fashion industry is often seen as being a few seasons ahead of Europe and years beyond the U.S.  Does that mean American girls will be donning all sorts of fuzzy orbs and silken highlights for 2010?

Anyone who's not content to wait and see can buy a ticket for Tokyo, and see the future of cutting-edge couture today.

Shown here in somber troubadour mode, singer/actor Jared Leto of 30 Seconds to Mars performs solo and acoustic at a secret show for Project 9-6-1 at Smith's Olde Bar in Atlanta, Georgia.

So what is the secret about Project 9-6-1?  Is it a foundation to support MTV penetration throughout the rural south?  Is it a group of like-minded people determined to eradicate an eyeliner shortage in inner-city high schools?

Actually, the Project is an Atlanta radio station with a professed desire to "suck less."

Maybe not Jimmy Kimmel, but many others would agree that having Jared at your secret show is a big step in that direction.

Viacom Inc., the company responsible for such classics a Flavor of Love and I'm From Rolling Stone, is suing Google Inc. for copyright infringement.

The suit accuses Google company YouTube of engaging in rampant profiteering off of video clips owned by Viacom and seeks $1 billion dollars in damages.



How many Viacom shows can you name that are worth even $100?

Rarely does a made-for-TV movie achieve the marketing range of High School Musical.  No one, other than the masterminds at Disney, could have imagined that the film would not only win a handful of Emmys, but also spawn careers, knock-offs and a monster top-selling album.

Now comes the sequel -- High School Musical 2.  Do you want to know who graduates, who drops out and who's the most likely candidate for detention?

Go to Just Jared for the full curriculum.

The multi-talented actress, model, perfume designer, party hostess and XXX-video star known as Paris Hilton may have one less career choice later this week.  According to published reports, Warner Music, the golden-throated heiress's record company, is ready to dump her like a load of crap.

What will Paris do next?  Go back to porn, where it all started for her?


Skrewdriver "You're So Dumb"

Old rock stars never go away, unless they die.  One step short of the grave, decrepit middle-aged men who used to be in bands like Van Halen or Guns 'N Roses continue to show up wherever free crap is handed out.  In this case, the greed spree is being conducted at a Rock and Roll Hall of Fame gifting suite.

Try to put the name, instrument played and band of renown to each geezer pictured.

A word of warning:  If you successfully match three codgers with their past glories, it says something about you.

It says you're really, really old.

Is Lindsay Lohan a good role model for children?  The Mean Girls star went in and out of rehab faster than she goes in and out of her hair colorist.  She's posed for X-rated paparazzi flash shots, and her professional reputation is in tatters.  What next?  Is she stealing candy from this child?

For the real story of Lindsay and the littlest Herbie Fully Loaded fan, consult the ultimate source -- Just Jared.

If you are reading this, you are not a student at Oprah Winfrey's charity school in Johannesburg South Africa.  And you should probably be happy about that.

Parents, who live in a country that is routinely patroled by soldiers wielding live machine guns, are complaining that the academy set up by American talk-show hostess Oprah Winfrey is too strict.

The student body, which is made up entirely of girls who are boarded on the school grounds, is forbidden to use cell phones or emails during the week.

Cell phones can be used on weekends, but only to call your parents!

Parents are permitted to visit their children one time per month and are prohibited from bringing more than two of the inmate's student's siblings along per visit.

Worst of all, if any of the girls is found to have any junk food or snacks, the treats are immediately confiscated. 

It doesn't take a genius to guess where those treats end up.

Fall Out Boy: The Take Over, The Break's Over

People who worry about kids in Spain are in an uproar about a recent ad campaign for Giorgio Armani junior.

The offending advertisement shows a prepubescent girl in a bra top.

Has the fashion industry stepped over the line again with a glossy depiction of a sexualized child?  Or does the fashion industry just not understand that there is a line that can be crossed?

On the other hand, toddler girls wear bikini-style suits at the beach all the time, and even go topless.

Perhaps the watchdogs are salivating about nothing?

Teddybears: Ahead Of My Time

In an effort to be more than a terminal dump for liver-bloated, Spandex-splitting old pop stars to stumble around and remind one another of how great they used to be, the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame has released a list of the 200 greatest, most-essential albums of all time.

Try to read the whole list without gagging, screaming or bursting into hysterical laughter.

What's more outrageous?  That nothing remotely like My Chemical Romance, Panic! at the Disco or Fall Out Boy or AFI is included on the list?  Or that Phil Collins, the Grease soundtrack and the Dixie Chicks are, the Dixie Chicks appearing twice.

But congratulations to Avril Lavigne for breaking the top 200 with Let Go.



Ryan Adams "Idiots Rule the World"

She's been voted the sexiest woman alive, and she believes that she looks like a boy, but what makes Scarlett Johansson think people will want to buy these droopy Reebok shoes and workout clothes just because she's wearing them?

Of course, there's a perv market ready to snap up any pre-worn piece of Johansson apparel, especially if the garment is of an absorbent fabric that made contact with Scarlett's skin.  But as for the starlet's appearance in this outfit igniting a mass desire to purchase similar styles?

If the clothes make Scarlett Johansson look sort of dumpy, just imagine what they'll do for everyone else.