I've got my eye on you

Long before the word emo became a punch line, there was a strain of musical endeavor that mined the luxurious anguish peculiar to late adolescence.

How far back does emo go?




Was the movement founded by the plaintive and poignant caterwauling of the Smiths?

Did Tears for Fears a few months earlier invent song forms that can be written and sung both for profit and as self-help therapy?



Or were the seeds of the teen angst genre being watered all the way back in 1963 with Leslie Gore's hit "It's My Party (And I'll Cry if I Want To)"?



Good music never dies, and the anthems of profound feeling being created by P!ATD, MCR, AFI and HIM will surely live on.

Which specific songs do you think will still ring true for you two decades from now?

Tonight is going to be one of those Wednesday evenings when it's impossible to get anything done other than watch TV and make snap judgments.

Start off by alternately pitying and loathing the fresh batch of absurd auditions on American Idol (Fox).

That appetizer of sad, deluded losers will prepare the critical palate for the crowning episode of Top Chef (Bravo).



Ilan or Marcel?  Which one will become the the prince of TV cuisine?  Which will eat a cold plate of reality-runnerup oblivion?

Then for dessert, pull out all the stops and gorge on Top Design (Bravo).  It's being sold as "like Project Runway, only with interior designers rather than dressmakers."



The role of Tim Gunn will be handled by Texan tastemaker Todd Oldham.

Tomorrow, log in and recap.

Love is generally thought to be blind, but in the case of smooch-birds Kate Moss and Pete Doherty, affection is also incredibly co-dependant.  The sniffy supermodel and her pet rock-wreck have reportedly checked into rehab -- as a couple.

London's pricey Capio Nightingale Hospital is apparently the asylum-of-choice for the entwined celebrity chums.

Let's wish the druggy couple all the luck world, although having all the luck in the world already doesn't seem to have helped them much so far in keeping off dope.

She's hot, she's blonde and she's spent a lot of time in bed with Jude Law.  So no wonder movie insiders are speculating that Sienna Miller's sex scene with Star Wars star Hayden Christensen in the upcoming Factory Girl was more than acting.

The film's director was ambivalent about the extent of sexual contact during filming, and a rep for Miller has outright denied the charges.  But who could blame a girl for slipping into sex when Anakin Skywalker is so close, and the force is with him?

A German lad named Tim -- who has presumably worn out his/her DVD copy of Hedwig and the Angry Inch -- is well along the way to becoming a German lass named Kim. 

The 12-year-old has begun hormone therapy preparatory to gender-realignment surgery, with the blessing of his/her parents and the doctors assigned to evaluating his/her best interests.

According to published reports, Tim functions in home and school as a girl and is perfectly normal.

Is a child intellectually and emotionally equipped to make such a life-changing decision?

In an injection that will reverberate around the world, Kentucky Derby-winner Barbaro was euthanized Monday morning.  The valiant colt had endured eight months of extraordinary medical procedures attempting to keep him alive after he shattered his right-hind leg at the start of the 2006 Preakness.

The charismatic winner's ordeal had galvanized animal lovers and sports fans around the globe.   All those prayers could not have gone unanswered.  Barbaro undoubtedly is romping in a heavenly meadow today, surrounded by a posse of hot mares.

Mean Girls patron saint Lindsay Lohan has retained her popularity among a low and vulgar male fan base who view every day as another chance to see Internet views of the Lohan private parts. 

Unfortunately for flashy Lindsay, her potential male co-stars are not among her rabid appreciation society.

Hollywood Tuna is citing sources who claim Movieland bigshots with names like Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman are refusing to consider any project that might include the fun-loving Irish freckle face.

This is like Axel Rose refusing to tour with you because you're too moody.

But who do Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman think they are?

Who would you rather see in a movie?  Lindsay Lohan or two old men who fail to see the charm of a saucy copper-top hellion?

Anyone remotely exhilirated by the music of The Academy Is should make sure they have Internet access at 7:00 p.m. Eastern time today (Friday), which means 4:00 p.m. on the West Coast.

Log on to www.theacademyis.com. 

Be prepared to find something there that will start the weekend with a sweet Academy Is buzz.  That buzz just might last on through until Monday.

News comes from Stereogum that Smashing Pumpkins have signed on to perform at a pair of German rock festivals in the middle of 2007.

This announcement raises at least as many questions as it answers.  For instance:   To what extent will D'arcy and James be involved with this incarnation of the Pumpkins?

If Germany, why not Coachella?

Mr. Corgan should be advised that truly stupendous reuniting begins at home.

According to City Rag, the only  thing hick millionaire Britney Spears likes dropping more than babies is handfuls of change.

Perhaps busy speculating on the quality of hook-ups she might encounter while in rehab, the never-graceful Spears is reported to have dumped a handful of coins on the ground while exiting a Los Angeles restaurant.

Brit treated the spilled change as if she'd dropped one of her children's soiled diapers: she advised a parking attendant to pick it up.

It could have been worse.  There might have been no tip at all.

Rough-complected actress Cameron Diaz's feminine intuition has survived intact after her bust up with long-time boyfriend Justin Timberlake.  Diaz was widely reported as stalking and vibing out solid-bottom big-screen sensation Jessica Biel through a series of Golden Globes after-parties.

Now Perez Hilton is quoting sources who claim that  Biel flew her own golden globes to Park City, Utah, during the Sundance Film Festival to snowboard with Timberlake, and presumably slide down the slick slope of romantic entanglement.

Concerned Cameron fans are advised to form prayer groups in her behalf.  If the skinny ex's war is with Jessica Biel, only God can save her now.

Friday night is coming around again.  That means couples and friends who have nothing better to do will be arguing about what movie to see.  We've picked three of this weekend's most likely releases.

Which one will you fight for?



Catch and Release stars Jennifer Garner as a bereaved young widow who falls in love with a sleazy friend of her dead husband.  This movie is presented as a comedy.




Two of the six writers who combined for the ludicrous but lucrative Scary Movie have paired up for the stream-of-parody exercise called Epic Movie.  This movie is also presented as a comedy.



And Smokin' Aces, an action/hitman flick set in a casino environment, features a highly attractive multi-racial cast of super-hip stereotypes from central casting.  It may have some laughs.

Send your pick here, and you may win something later, aside from our undying gratitude.

Blonde and flaky actress Anne Heche, who was half of America's most famous lesbian couple back when she performed under the tutelage of Ellen DeGeneres, has taken her love life for another unexpected swerve.

Flighty Anne, who had a career-enhancing romance with Steve Martin before flipping over to publicity-rich lesbianism, has reportedly left the man who lured her back from girl-on-girl exhibitionism to normal sexual behavior.

But here's where the rumors break down.  The New York Post reports that Heche's new paramour, actor James Tupper, is a human male.

If Tupper had been described as a hermaphroditic preying mantis from Venus, this story would have been swallowed whole.

Real-sized actress America Ferrara who plays the titular heroine in Ugly Betty, is not only more authentic and earthy than the average actress, she's also smarter.

Currently completing her senior year at the University of Southern California, America maintains a 3.5 GPA. 

This average qualifies the Golden Globe winner as a Presidential Scholar, and indicates that she is up to two times more intelligent than the man currently in that office.

For unexectedly glamorous glamour shots of America, visit Just Jared.
 

No one ever went broke by overestimating the movie industry's capacity to push bad taste on the American public.  But the producers of Hounddog are looking at a far smaller payday than they probably hoped for.

Hounddog, which subjects 12-year-old Dakota Fanning to a graphic rape scene, debuted to tepid reviews at the Sundance Film Festival.  Despite Dakota -- whose box-office pull is as great as any adult star working today -- being trotted out to promote the film, no buyers came forward to distribute it.

A girl's never too young to make atrocious career choices.

For three days at the end of April, the coolest place in the universe will be a sizzling section of the Southern California desert.  Rage Against the Machine, Bjork and the Red Hot Chili Peppers are only three of the guests at a massive party of music, pop culture and community called Coachella.

This celebration has a special place in the Buzznet universe. Visit the Coachella Community for blogs, photos, video and breaking news as the festival approaches. 

Once the bands start taking the stages, tune in for song-by-song updates.

Coachella and  Buzznet: we are the same world.

Disregarding the fact that the entire purpose of her life is to entice paparazzi to take her photos and spread them around the world, sex-tape superstar Paris Hilton is a private person.

Until she fails to pay her storage bills and revealing photos stream out once more upon the Internet.

What's it say about us as a nation that yet one more slip of Paris's secondary sexual characteristics turns into a high-view day for Egotastic?

Providing that girl's name is Britney, Lindsay or Tara, this classy new portable bar from Justin Case is essential luggage. 

But once these ladies get into this handy travel pack's contents, the rest of their baggage is sure to start flying around the room.

After having taken No Doubt through the ska-rock stratosphere, Gwen Stefani has the right to do anything she wants.  But why does Gwen want to take pip-squeak squawker Lady Sovereign out to open for her on a tour?

Stefani will be doing shows in support of The Sweet Escape album, which according to Sov's statements of yesterday, was part of all the "sh**" last year that was not her.

Once Britney Spears had scraped daddy Kevin Federline off the bottom of her shoe, young Fed must have wondered how he would ever manage to be newsworthy three months later.

Britney gave Kev the answer herself, traipsing around town with her giblets out while doing an excellent impersonation of a single-mother drunken slob on her way to talk on Jerry Springer about the boyfriend who beats her.

And now Mr. Federline is available to take the high road and appear in esteemed publications such as The Star to beg his sloppy second wife to check into rehab.

If only the solution for Kev's own problem were so simple.

People go on the Internet every day to look for boobs, especially celebrity boobs.  Today, floundering actress Jessica Simpson's breasts have come in for extensive www discussion, none of it uplifting.

In Hollywood Tuna's view, Jessica's slipping slope could make a useful cell-phone holder.

I Don't Like You in That Way doesn't like the way Jessica's nipples seem to be gazing at her shoes.

Celebrity Nation runs some of the same shots, makes no mention of any sag.

And What Would Tyler Durden Do?  Tyler would get Jess a bra, quick.  And then surgery.

Thanks to Stereogum for providing snippets from British big-talker Lady Sovereign's wrap-up on the musical scene from 2006.

The Jelly Donut-avoiding terror has particular bile for Fergie and Nelly, and concludes with the falsely humble, "This year has been rubbish.  Apart from me, it's just been sh**."

Surgeons at a French hospital have announced the completion of a difficult operation to graft a new nose, mouth and chin on a young man whose face had been terribly disfigured by a genetic disease.

Unfortunately for the Parisian medical community, the patient has come out of the anesthesia
and plans to sue for malpractice.

According to United Kingdom news source The Sun, oddly devoted father and mammoth movie star Tom Cruise may one day in the far future be revered as Jesus Christ is revered now.

Of course, for that scenario to unfold, Scientology will need to become one of the earth's dominant religions.  And Tom will need to be nailed to a cross.

Hollywood is the center of the Internet universe with the announcement of their annual Academy Award nominations.

Just Jared offers a voice of sanity amid all the Babel.

The chief ironist at Jossip makes clear a predictability to the entire ball of schmaltz.

Dlisted has the wisdom to mention that actress Salma Hayek announced the nominations.

A Socialite's Life sniffs out a snub or two.

Both as books and as a trilogy of endless films, the Lord of the Rings franchise has spawned some of the most fanatical followers of any cultural artifact short of the Koran.

LOTR role-players have been floored by news reports that Peter Jackson, who reigned behind the camera for the three stupendously successful Lord pictures, will not be at the creative helm of the forthcoming The Hobbit.

Sword and sorcerer suicide watch can be relaxed.  The man in contention to direct The Hobbit is Sam Raimi.  Sam was responsible for a modestly successful little art film called Spider Man.

Chicago is known for two things:  Being one of the most fanatical sports cities in America and as the hometown of Fall Out Boy.

This past Sunday both those claims to fame came together.

Coinciding with the release of their new album, Infinity on High, Fall Out Boy played to a capacity stadium during half time at the NFC Championship game.



Never before have so many of Buzznet's Fall Out faithful wished they could be at a football stadium.

Their beloved Bears went on to win the game and are headed for the Super Bowl.  Fall Out Boy is expected to be headed for bigger things, such as the Honda Civic Tour.

In reference to porfessional talker Rosie O'Donnell, Mr. Trump has remarked on the record:  "I'm worth billions of dollars, and I have to listen to that fat slob?"

The sad part is that the rest of us keep hearing from her as well, and we don't have billions of dollars to console ourselves.

British actress Keira Knightley is famous for playing a Caribbean pirate lover and for denying speculation that she suffers from an eating disorder.  Keira's denials have reached the litigation stage.  Lawyers for the less-than-zaftig dramatist have pressed suit against a news source that ran the above photo as an illustration for a story on girls who starve themselves to an unhealthy degree.

If Keira wins, she'll be able to buy herself any exotic and expensive food in the world.  And then not eat it.

Serial attacker Naomi Campbell's reputation as the world's most violent supermodel is a hot draw for the officials of Brazil's Rio de Janeiro.

Rio, like Naomi, is considered to be among the sexiest, most-dangerous hotspots known to man, which may explain why city officials have tapped Campbell as their ambassador to the universe.

"She has the image that is the face of Rio de Janeiro," says the city's mayor.  "She could represent it abroad like nobody else."

What's next?  Mike Tyson for Haiti?

Not content with fixing the blame for anorexia deaths among young models on the families of those girls, Brazilian mannequin Gisele Bundchen adds arrogance to insult by insisting:  "Excuse me, there are people born with the right genes for this profession."

Gisele's genes have made her one of the twenty richest celeb chicks in the world, all without any strain of tact in her string of DNA.

Serious, rock-history obsessed archivists were salivating like MCR fans given a chance to take one item from Mikey Way's bedroom when an acetate of the Velvet Underground's first album went up on eBay. 

The pop-and-crackle disc, a formative version of one of rock's most influential masterpieces, eventually sold for more than $24 thousand. 

Now, anyone who desires to hear alternate versions of songs that became the record that launched 1,000 bands can download it here.  For free.  Which makes everybody $24 thousand richer.

From the looks of 1960s cinematic bombshell Raquel Welch at a recent M-A-C Cosmetics event proclaiming her Beauty Icon, the star of One Million Years BC is hotter than Fergie.

If the comparison seems unfair, take into account that Raquel is 66 years old.

And if that comparison makes things seem even more unfair, take into account that Tim Gunn sort of looks hotter than Fergie too.

Anyone hoping to take a trip across Black Eyed Pea Fergie's London Bridge had better make the journey soon. 

If speculation comes to fruition, the rumored Christmas day engagement of the Miss Ferguson to Josh Duhamel will result in a marriage before year's end.

After the I Do's, Fergie's gates can be presumed to be closed to outside traffic.

Of course, chances are divorce is waiting on the other side of the river; so Fergie stalkers shouldn't lose all hope.

Seen here is TRL hostess Vanessa Minnillo comfortably perched upon hip-hop originator LL Cool J as he effortlessly counts off a set of pushups.  LL was on TRL to promote his new Platinum Workout fitness book.

We know what you're thinking.  Never before has one man's face so wished it could be his back.

According to reports in the Mail on Sunday newspaper, friends of chirpy actress Sienna Miller were afraid that she had immersed herself too deeply while portraying doomed socialite Edie Sedgwick.  In the upcoming Factory Girl, Sienna stars as a high-strung, drug-addled, boozing beauty headed for an emotional train wreck.

And then she went home and had trouble resuming her normal life as herself.

Being a best-selling author of angst-heavy "biographical" novels detailing your life as a teenage male prostitute means never having to say you are sorry that you never existed in the first place.

Millions of emotionally invested readers, many in their early teens, were irked -- to say the least -- last year when the writer celebrity JT Leroy, author of emo-lit classics Sarah and The Heart Is Deceitful Above all Things, was revealed to be a middle-aged woman rather than a prodigiously literate post-teen hustler. 

Laura Albert, the "real" JT, has been out at New York City art events, accompanied by her friend, Savannah Knoop, who occasionally masqueraded as JT, attempting to claim their rightful celebrity.

When asked if she would say she was sorry for her "hoax," Albert replied: "Apologize for what?  Because you bought a book?"

Leroy lovers and haters alike:  What should JT do?

Appropriately named hip-hop firebrand Foxy Brown has been kicked out of her court-ordered anger-management program.  Apparently, the staffers at the the Shore Parkway clinic in Brooklyn were too scared of the tempestuous singer to go on counseling her in regards to her perceived volatility problem.

Foxy's court-ordered woes began when she was convicted of striking two Manhattan nail salon workers during a dispute over a $20 manicure.

The divine Ms. Brown isn't quite so cheap when it comes to attorneys.  Her representative in court Tuesday was John Sampson, a member of the New York State Senate, who represents for Brooklyn.  As does Foxy Brown.

Four out of five clergymen polled agree that Joe Francis, the chief exploiter of the Girls Gone Wild video empire, has no redeeming social value whatsoever.

All that condemnation may change with today's news reports that young Lindsay Lohan has entered rehab, despite being not yet old enough to legally buy an alcoholic beverage.

If short-term memory serves, it was just yesterday that celebrity news sources reported Joe Francis had scored the embrace of Lindsay's sloppy affections.

Waking up next to Joe Francis may well have been the "bottoms out" moment that sent Lindsay crawling toward recovery.

From now on, Joe Francis should be hailed as the man who saved at least one young woman from a life of dissoution and premature underarm sag.

Insinuation is an ugly thing, especially when the object of deprecatory, anonymous gossip is supposed to be looks-challenged imitation actress Tori Spelling.

Celebitchy.com speculates that rumors may exist of Tori boozing while fetus bloated.

Maybe this is true, maybe a vicious lie.  But there's no debating that Spelling is guilty of a more heinous crime: being pregnant while horse-ass homely.

For most aging American music fans, the first awareness of melodic UK second-wave punk band the Raincoats came from reading Kurt Cobain's liner notes to Nirvana's Incesticide collection of homeless tunes.

This somewhat plaintive introduction helped keep the all-female quartet's records of minimalist harmony punk in print, but memories fade, and the Raincoats dropped off the back catalog.

Check out the three Raincoats MP3s posted on Idolator, and you might want to add their discs to your digger list.

Thanks to E-Scene collaborator Alicia Simmons for posting this photo of her life's love, Mikey Way of My Chemical Romance, stress testing his suitcase.

Alicia's home page contains many more intimate views of Mr. Way.  Plus, she has great cats.

Two days ago, no one knew the name of British model Keeley Hazel, other than her booking agent, an ex-boyfriend who directed and co-starred in a "private moment" souvenir tape with the voluptuous Englishwoman, and the presumed agent who brokered a deal to splash the resultant Keeley Hazel sex tape across the Internet.

Today, the entire world knows who Keeley is, and knows just how wide she can open her mouth.

Keeley is unhappy with her newfound facial recognition.

"Now I feel I have no dignity left," she laments. 

But look at what similar branding opportunities have done for XXX tape superstar Paris Hilton!  Dignity never brought anybody happiness.

One of the worst things about working is that bosses can be so unreasonable, but super-hot-tempered model Naomi Campbell takes employer/employee relations to extremes that are matched only by the luscious hauteur of her plush-lipped pout.

Which is a roundabout way of saying, if a woman is as beautiful as Naomi Campbell, should she really be forced to do five days community service, two days anger management and pay $363 simply because she chucked a telephone into the back of an annoying assitant's head?

Naomi probably doesn't think so either.

Dreams do come true.  From the very day that Ugly Betty hit television screens, regular girls across the world were rooting that glory and fame would bless America Ferrera, the show's titular heroine.  Good girls sometimes do win.  As readers of Just Jared all know, America walked off with the Golden Globe last night for Best Performance by an Actress in Television Series -- Musical Comedy.

Lindsay Lohan leaves nothing to chance.  She made absolutely sure that speculation into her so-called appendectomy didn't cross into a second week of media coverage.  Lindsay's tactic?  See-through fabric.

What Would Tyler Durden Do? points out the complementary artistry of Lohan's eye-liner.

Dlisted suspects a viral motivation.

The Superficial points out that things could have been worse.

Hollywood Tuna looks on the bright side.

And CelebNewsWire is absolutely ecstatic.

Not satisfied with establishing a legacy as his generation's thinking man of poetic power rock, Killers prime mover Brandon Flowers has turned his formidable creative energy to engineering a "thinking cap."  This intuitive hat prototype allows persons of varied ages and ethnicities to trade ideas with one another immeadiately, with no need for pesky volcabulary and oratory skills.

In reality, Brandon and the rest of the Killers are seen here on set in Tokyo filming a new music video.

Put on your tinfoil hardhat, think really hard, and the song title will come to you:

"Read My Mind."

The diggers at Stereogum have launched a regular feature highlighting the worst music videos in history.  As long as lame trends and humiliating fads continue to be the raw material of so many music-video stars and directors, the supply of ill-conceived, foolishly executed, deeply regretted song clips won't dry up any time soon.  Check out Stereogum's inaugral relic of shame  here.

Any weight-challenged woman who would like to keep perpetually slim the Jessica Simpson way is in for a disappointment.  The tidy star of .... of something .... has revealed to Britain's Glamour magazine that she manages to keep her tiny figure with the help of paparazzi hordes.

According to Jessica, she has been banned from stocking up on calories at her local supermarket because her train of photographers had disturbed the regular customers.

But is Jessica grateful to these skinniness facilitators?

Hardly.  She refers to her figure guardians as "a**holes."

Actually, as the discerning readers of Gizmodo point out, these wireless stereo, surround-sound speakers from Kenwood, though emminently suitable for sexy-time grooving, actually resemble the the profile of an old-school Thermos.

There has been no confirmation to speculation that Lindsay Lohan has already filled hers with a sneak supply of vodka.

Actually old rock fans die all the time, just like old rock stars.  And some of those old rock stars who are still alive can be found coaching the old rock fans as the old fans play at being old rock stars at Rock and Roll Fantasy Camp.

This may be a little hard to follow.  Just be aware that if Dad sneaks away with a battered Fender Strat hidden in his golf bag between February 15th and 19th, then comes back all pumped up and smelling like weed, there's a good chance he was at the Hollywood retreat for old rocker dreamers run by Bret Michaels, Scott Ian and Paul Stanley (whoever the f*** they are).

Plus, your old man spent enough money for the privilege of wailing on that thrashed guitar that he could have bought you a used Prius.

Thanks to Stereogum for this parental alert.

The stupendous life and stupefying death of Nirvana genius Kurt Cobain is a tale worthy of Greek tragedy.  But this is the year 2007, and today's civilized world is a place where Cobain's widow Courtney Love has bought the screen rights to the most film-worthy book on Kurt's life.

That way Courtney won't be forced to have her lawyers sue when a team of qualified, independent filmmakers tries to present an accurate and honest account of Cobain's unlikely triumph and appallingly sad ending.

The United States military has enough problems meeting recruitment quotas without alienating the potentially millions of capable men who might have been lured into its ranks by Staff Sgt. Michelle Manhart.

A training officer at Lackland Airforce Base, the incredibly fit and attractively assertive Sgt. appears in states of semi and full nudity in the February issue of Playboy magazine.

Her superiors, who vision is impaired in more than one sense, have seen fit to relieve the motivational streaker of duty.

So it's okay to send young men off to blast evildoers from the sky, but these same soldiers cannot be allowed to go to their bunks at night looking forward to arising before the crack of dawn to be disciplined by their curvaceous drill instructor?

No wonder some people threaten to move to France.

Unlike incorrigible reprobate Britney Spears, falling-down-starlet Tara Reid is sensitive to the effect of public perception upon her professional reputation. 

If Tara is seen as a boozer chick who can't step across a curb without plunging to the gutter, chances are her offers to play quality movie roles will plummet accordingly.

The resourceful star of, um, of tabloids near and far has come up with a solution to the problem of suddenly falling asleep on her feet:  Bring along a pair of stocky old white guys who can lean in and support her.

So far, they seem to be doing at least as good a job of support as Tara's bra.

After screeching to infamy and fortune as the creative impetus behind Nine Inch Nails, tortured vocalist Trent Reznor might have slipped into a rut of rock-star complacency.  But Reznor appears to be almost as excited about his soon-to-be-shipping Year Zero album as he was about his first molten release of pent-up adolescence all those years ago.

Trent's far less excited about what everybody else on the music scene is doing these days, summing it up as "Emo screamo." 

The serious artist claims that if he turns on the radio, he "literally can't tell the difference between one of 20 bands."

Taken at face value, this means that a professional musician is unable to distinguish MCR from FOB from P!ATD from the Killers.

Honestly, isn't that like Alice Cooper saying he can't tell the difference between Trent Reznor and Marilyn Manson?

Goth kids young and old had an extra reason to mope yesterday as one of their all-time most beloved role models, Lily Munster, departed this globe of glamour and gloom.

Known to her family and agent as Yvonne De Carlo, the actress was 84 years old at the time of her departure.  De Carlo's career on stage and screen spanned half a century, but her immortality was won during the two years between 1964 and 1966 when she starred as the eery and sexy matriarch of a highly functional but queerly irregular family known as The Munsters.

Heaven is a happier place for Yvonne's arrival.

According to the so-called most trusted name in news, CNN, President George Bush, despite being the Commander in Chief of a military expedition that has caused incalculable death and mangling, was "disturbed" by a viewing of the grainy, shadowy video of former Iraqi madman Saddam Hussein's execution.

Outsiders speculate that Bush was nonplussed by Saddam's relatively self-possessed demeanor and by his ability, though moments away from an unpleasant demise, to smile and calmly demand of his tormentors: "Is this how you show your bravery as men?  Is this the bravery of Arabs?"

"Jeez," Bush must have thought with slowly escalating alarm, "I can't even come across as being that much in command of my faculties when they're blowing smoke up my ass on Fox News."

Boy band bad-boy actor Justin Timberlake has come as close to unequivocal as a gentleman can be in stating that he is through pouring his affections into professional butt-wiggler Cameron Diaz. 

The alienation of Justin's affection seems to have done nothing to diminish Cameron's ability to grin like a jackal at Tuesday night's People's Choice Awards while clutching a glittering object that might conceivably double as a marital aid.

Cameron took home the prize for Favorite Leading Lady.  Evidently Justin's abstaining vote was note the deciding one.

According to Star magazine online, the formerly bimbo-like blonde Diaz licked her lonely wounds in the company of similarly suddenly single Drew Barrymore at Hollywood's Hyde nightclub, with sources saying that "all boys were ignored."

Who needs a man when two ladies of similar achievement can share the enjoyment of that smooth and sensual lump of writhing Lucite?

It's a mobile projector, it's a toddling DVD player, it has an ambulatory iPod slot, walking CD capacities, takes phone hook-ups on a hike, and it's cuter than most guy's girlfriends.

The tech savants at Gizmodo have sent back video from the 2007 Consumer Electronics Show in Las Vegas of the closest thing to R2 D2 yet available for the general buying populace.

If only the thing could teach Mom how to use its remote so you won't have to.

In case anyone out there doesn't have enough ways to spend money they don't have yet, the Decaydance record label has announced that discount presale orders are being taken at the  Fueled by Ramen store for new albums from Fall Out Boy and Lifetime.

The street date is February 6 for both collections.  But why postpone instant gratification until then?